Urgh, tributes! They used to be exciting when I hadn’t heard many, but after listening to a bucketload of them, I have realized that most of them are god-awful. This tribute, one of about 1,000,000 dedicated to the legendary Iron Maiden, does nothing to change my mind. Moreover, who are these people?! I’ve heard of about 5 bands out of this 26 band, 2 CD set! This tribute ranges from occasionally good to below average to laughable to the awful feeling of oh-no-my-stomach-is-churning-and-I’m-going-to-puke-on-the-disc! Let me elaborate… CD ONE SOLACE – ANOTHER LIFE: I think I’ve heard of these guys, but I can’t place them. Fortunately, this is a decent start. This cover sounds LOUD, and Solace speed up some parts, and slow down the others. The vocalist does well to sound like Di’anno. Overall, a faithful cover, though nothing overly special. (3/5) SEBASTIAN BACH – CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED: Can Baz ever go wrong? NO! His singing on this absolutely fantastic and the best part is that he isn’t trying to sound like Bruce and yet still sounds like he once was singing for Maiden! Musically, this is played perfectly without any improvisation, but Baz’s voice itself makes this one of the best covers on this disc. (4/5) CROWBAR – REMEMBER TOMORROW: Ah, something original! I’m not a fan of Crowbar, but the sludgefest they’ve created out of this classic is commendable! They’ve slowed down the song, making it sound doubly sorrowful, and the vocals fit in perfectly. Can’t find any fault in this, and it’s probably the only song on the tribute I would play regularly. (5/5) Don’t get your hopes up folks, lots more to grovel through! ARCHIE BUNKER & JOHN PEREZ – WRATHCHILD: WHO???? Who are these geezers?! Mr. Bunker and Mr. Perez have not an ounce of creativity in them. This just sounds like a very mediocre version of the original. Whoever is doing the vocals is either 70 years old or probably thinks that Di’anno sounds like this now, so why not?! BAH! (1.5/5) DOFKA – POWERSLAVE: Hello, Dofka. You suck donkey balls. This cover has no power in it, and the vocalist is terrible. This sounds like Dofka formed 10 minutes before the compilation was set to release, slept with record company homo, and somehow got their name in. The music isn’t played with any power, but no mistakes so I’ll give this a (1/5). SHALLOW – MOONCHILD: Decent start, and then the vocals kick in. *PUKE*. This guy sounds like he really wants to play for the Sex Pistols, but then they heard him sing the chorus and spat on him. Other than the first 10 seconds of the song, Shallow show why no one has heard of them! Someone please kill the drummer…. Me playing drums on a bed sounds better than him banging on what sounds like rusty tin boxes. Utter crap. (0.5/5) WARHORSE & FRIENDS – TOTAL ECLIPSE: Things just hit an all-time low. Are these guys trying to be Crowbar? They’re being all sludgy, but all it’s done is made the song sound like mud. The vocalist sounds like he has a gun pointed to his head and is being forced to sing. In effect, he is whining very out of tune. The production is terrible; the playing is shit – THIS SUCKS! (0/5) IAN PARRY & KAMELOT – FLIGHT OF ICARUS: I know Kamelot, and unfortunately, their playing on this is very mediocre and weak. Whoever Ian Parry is, he sounds like an old, wrinkled gay man. The production, again, is terrible… vocals and drums being too loud, everything else too soft. The lead is good, but other than that Kamelot have succeeded in butchering a great Maiden song. (0.5/5) HOLY MOTHER – THE TROOPER: Oh, yawn. I’m bored of this song. But worse than listening to the original itself, is listening to multitudes of bands covering it, note to note. This is exactly what Holy Mother do. Added disgust comes with the nasal vocals and the walkman-recording production. (1/5) ELECTRIC FRANKENSTEIN – ACES HIGH: Someone needs to work on their guitar tone, it sounds like paper. Pretty much played note to note, with production being a bit better than ‘The Trooper’. This one sounds like it was recorded in a small kitchen, the drummer using spoons for drumsticks! The vocals seem alright till the chorus kicks in. As soon as the chorus comes along, the whole thing just becomes crass, and I feel like pressing the stop button. Oh, and the lead is very inaccurate as well. (1.5/5) WARDOG – PURGATORY: Relief!!!! Wardog’s vocalist is very good (though he sounds too much like Di’anno) and though the music is played note to note, it is played with power and played LOUD. Wardog manage to do justice to this great classic, and unlike most of the other covers this doesn’t send me to slumberland. Good stuff. (3.5/5) CONQUEST – THE EVIL THAT MAN DO: Sometimes slowing down just doesn’t work. And with a song like ‘The Evil That Men Do’, it definitely doesn’t work. Conquest play this so slow that it is often unrecognizable, and after the first chorus passes, sleep begins to force itself on me. The vocalist sounds like he can really sing, and I’m sure he’d sound better if this song was played faster. Uninteresting. (1/5) ELEVENTH HOUR – ALEXANDER THE GREAT: You would really have to be good set of musicians to pull this epic off. Sadly, Eleventh Hour isn’t up to the mark. They have a decent vocalist who sings well throughout and main riff is played quite heavy. However, all the other intricate parts of the song sound dreadful, except the lead. It truly sounds like these dudes have tried their hardest to do justice to this classic, so they deserve at least a (2/5). OVERALL RATING FOR CD ONE: (2/5) CD TWO IRON SAVIOR – RUNNING FREE: Iron Savior is a good power metal band. All I can say about this cover is that it’s played note perfect and delivered with force. Nothing wrong with that, except that a simple song like this requires some improvisation for it to sound interesting. Anyway… (3/5) TCHORT – THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST: WHO ARE THESE FUCKING RETARDS??? This has made me call all my friends and gloat about discovering the worst cover EVER. The opening sample is either badly reversed or has been spoken in Martian language. The guitar tone sounds like recycled, hand-made paper. The vocals are so embarrassing that they make Tom Araya sound like a good opera singer. The pace is so tiresome, that I find my self clapping in a slow manner as if I am watching a really bad street dance. The music is plain WRONG in most places, and the leads are bullshit. By far, the worst cover on the tribute, and I’ll give this a (-1) rating only because such turd is actually being released. (-1/5) ERROR 7 – STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND: One of the only covers on this tribute where the bass sounds loud and prominent as it should be! Other than this detail, this cover is nothing special… But it is played perfectly and the vocalist is excellent. Remember, there isn’t much competition here, so even boring note to note covers will be given a decent rating! (3/5) ROTORS TO RUST – INVADERS: WHO??!! WHAT?!! HOW??!! This unknown band would have sounded half-decent if the vocalist didn’t sound like a Nazi general giving orders to Jewish prisoners. The whole thing is quite funny, really. Hmm, that’s all I can say about that! (1/5) COSMOSQUAD WITH RAY ALDER – MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE: Ray Alder, as one should know, sings for Fates Warning. His vocals and Cosmosquad’s drummer’s jazz oriented drumming save what could have been utter cow piss. The other Cosmosquad dudes sound… well… confused. The funny thing is that Ray isn’t really singing that well, it’s just that he hardly has any competition on this dreary tribute album. During moments of sudden enlightenment, the guitarist suddenly plays well and then messes up again. Oh well! (2/5) HOYRY-KONE – THE TROOPER: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! If this isn’t hilarious, I don’t know what is!! This has to be heard to be believed! Imagine ‘The Trooper’ played on cellos, violins, horns, fiddles and the works. Imagine all that played on crack. And now imagine adding all that to some absolutely hilarious chanting, humming and yodeling. This is exactly what Hoyry-Kone do to ‘The Trooper’. Full points for being bizarre and retarded. (3/5) FATES PROPHECY – WASTED YEARS: Flat vocals, flat playing. No improvisation. In other words, BORING! (2/5) ETERNAL ELYSIUM – INNOCENT EXILE: How do these small-timers think up such stupid names? The band’s reggae take on the beginning of the song is quite interesting, after which the song becomes pretty darn heavy. Unfortunately, for them the vocalist’s thin voice only works for the reggae beginning; in the heavier parts it just falls flat. The music is quite nice and different to the Maiden original, but this remains untapped potential. (2.5/5) PHARAOH – REVELATIONS: Weak. Very Weak. One of my favourite Maiden songs ruined by box drums and crybaby vocals. This had me scratching my nose and sighing. Go away Pharaoh, you suck! (0/5) LAS CRUCES – THE PRISONER: Ever needed to regurgitate and actually felt all your food slowly reach your mouth? I have, and Las Cruces should be tortured the Chinese way for making me feel like that again! This is slowed-down, unrecognizable garbage straight from the depths of the unknown hole of unknown bands. Oh god, I’m about to puke now! *PUKE*. Ah, much better! Please stick with Fozzy’s cover of this classic. (0/5) THE QUILL – WHERE EAGLES DARE: A good vocalist is not enough to save some very fourth-rate musicianship. I’m not saying The Quill are playing wrong, they just sound so impassive that you can’t help but feel bored yourself. And that’s exactly what I’m feeling after listening to 24 songs of this tribute. Fear not, only 2 more to go! (0.5/5) SOLSTICE – THE PROPHECY: One of the songs off ‘SSoaSS’ that is criminally ignored. However, ignoring this cover is far from criminal; it is wise. The vocalist sounds like he just acquired puberty and there are some upsetting gang vocals in the background including some rather funny "HURRAH!"s. The music sounds quite flat, and the whole thing just reeks. (0/5) JOHN WEST WITH CHRIS CAFFERY – RUN TO THE HILLS: Whoever these geezers are, they sure do play well. The vocals sound a bit stuffy and could have been better, but the music is played very well. Nothing special, but at least this excuse for a tribute ends well! (3/5) OVERALL RATING FOR CD TWO: 1.5/5 The ratings itself are enough conclusion for this so-bad-that-it’s-scary tribute. I really should give this a ONE as I’m never going to play it again, but since I feel bad for most of the retard bands, I’ll give it a 1.5. Please don’t make the mistake of actually buying this garbage. Just download the Sebastian Bach, Crowbar, Wardog and (of course) Hoyry-Kone covers if you want. If you ever listen to this, you will also notice that the bass playing on 90% of the songs is very lame, and never loud and prominent like Harris’ playing. The first four albums are over-represented and as I said before – WHO ARE THESE BANDS ANYWAY?? (1.5/5)